| so yeah, i live in seattle washington now, and i gotta say, i like it. the weather is pretty darn lovely, rain is not as prolific as legends say, and neither is the sun as reclusive. even though i've only gotten to spend 1 summer and 2 christmases here so far, i don't feel as much like a stranger. but i'm not at home, and i don't suspect that i'll feel at home again until i have a family, or after i'm dead and gone to heaven.
i'm trying to grow up. i couldn't begin to imagine what that entails, but i'm going to start with being real. sometimes i wish i was as together as i've shown all these years, but in actuality i constantly feel like i'm shutting off and just going through stuff. i want to be genuine, i desire to be the way god meant for me to be, i want to be rid of the apathy that comes with faking being normal.
sometimes, very rarely, i want to cry. but dudes don't cry. even seeing and using that word freaks me out.
to the 37 people who are still subscribed to my xanga, i'm back, and i've missed you.
to the (47?) people i subscribe to (who still update their xanga), i'll say that there have been many times where i wished i had decided to write a response to your updates. i wanted to share in your celebration, your stress, your anger, your pain, your relief, your happiness, your walk with god, your life. know that i still read almost every entry, and i shared the above with you in secret.
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. my areas improvement for the forseeable future.
no more. i've been rehearsing over and over to try to get it right, but no more. no more laziness either... hopefully...
... ...
*proceeds to go play several hours of videogames... in a row* |
